Damn the luck!!! I am feeling a little let down and a lot disappointed. We had so many goals and some of them seem to be slipping though our fingers. We(I) wanted another baby! I wanted to be pregnant one more time. I wanted to feel new life growing in me...but God is clearly not letting that happen. Everyone around me seems to be pregnant. Or has had a new baby in the last 24 months...crazy! Why can't it be me.
Nathan has also been seeking a job closer to home and in the same town as his brother and parents. We have never lived in the same town as his family. I was really looking forward to it. The job he applied for would be perfect for him and our family. He has emailed the GM several times and I just am feeling like our opportunity may have passed.
And the black hole of a house...our Leavenworth house is just a waste of time any more. We know it's not going to be ours...not two ways about it. It's just a drain on us.
I feel so warn down...and a little bit like a failure! How is it that I can't conceive a child like everyone else? Why can't we catch a break on a job closer to home and why is that darn house still a thorn in our side?
I know I am doubting God! I hate that! I know God has plans for us! I know his plans are not my own...I would just really like some calm in my life!
I need to pray about this some more, I know. So I will pray!
