details...that's where it's at

Last night while at dinner...my daughter asked a question that prompted a discussion about my mom's finally days.  She asked why I didn't go further in girl scouts...it occurs to me that while mom was ill...everything was put on hold because I lived in various places.  I lived with one aunt then another.  I lived with my great aunt for a while and my grandpa and grandma as well.  It changed the way I lived my life for sure...I was not able to attend all the things I once loved.   My life was damaged so irreparably by my mom's illness and death...it's no wonder it has taken me so long to get things back in order...if the ever will be.

looking back

looking back over these posts...one thing I have tried to represest over and over again is that I need to try and see the bigger picture...
We lost the house in Leavenworth...I am effectively not going to have anymore children and we still struggle to get our spending under control.   Self control is so stinking hard...it's something I keep struggling with...in my person as well as my marriage and finances...



Nathan and I are not doing a great job of getting our finances in order this month...it looks pretty bad...I hope we can get it together for the next month.
I am going to hold strong to the tv not till after my birthday...we need to wait!

Self control!

Babies

It's been a little over two weeks since I started watching Miles...he's still a very sweet little guy.  He is very sensitive though.  Poor guy has tummy troubles like Alex and Catie had and it has taken years for them to get better...we literally just got Alex on milk last month.  Thankfully Alex is doing well with that.  He is still dealing with the fever spikes and it's so stressful to have a fever in him every couple of days.  It still concerns me quite a bit that he run a fever so often.  He never seems to be ill just a low grade fever.  Poor little guy.  Back to little Miles though.  He is having a rough time and I need to resist the urge to tell his mom what she should be doing...that is not my place.  I am just his sitter.  This is going to be really hard for me...but I can do it.  He such a sweet little guy.  I hope that long term this works out...I like his family.  They are really nice and really the kind of people I would hang out with.
Still not sure about how I feel about Nathan having read my blog...maybe I posted it to the public and just can't remember.  It's not that I don't trust him...it's really more that this is my private chat with myself...a journal. 

New baby

I have a new baby in my life....his name is Miles.  He's a sweet little four month old boy.  I am doing child care!!!!   Finally. 
Secondly I am not so sure I can be as candid as I once was...
Nathan just told  me he read my blog....I know I know it's out here for anyone to read and public and all but I didn't know he had seen it.  It's kinda like therapy for me and I don't care who reads it that doesn't know me,  but I say things that are private and thoughts that are personal.  so I don't know how I feel about this...we will see