Disappointed

Damn the luck!!!   I am feeling a little let down and a lot disappointed.  We had so many goals and some of them seem to be slipping though our fingers.  We(I) wanted another baby!  I wanted to be pregnant one more time.  I wanted to feel new life growing in me...but God is clearly not letting that happen.  Everyone around me seems to be pregnant.  Or has had a new baby in the last 24 months...crazy!  Why can't it be me. 
Nathan has also been seeking a job closer to home and in the same town as his brother and parents.  We have never lived in the same town as his family.  I was really looking forward to it.   The job he applied for would be perfect for him and our family.  He has emailed the GM several times and I just am feeling like our opportunity may have passed. 
And the black hole of a house...our Leavenworth house is just a waste of time any more.  We know it's not going to be ours...not two ways about it.  It's just a drain on us. 



I feel so warn down...and a little bit like a failure!  How is it that I can't conceive a child like everyone else?  Why can't we catch a break on a job closer to home and why is that darn house still a thorn in our side?  

I know I am doubting God!   I hate that!  I know God has plans for us!  I know his plans are not my own...I would just really like some calm in my life!

I need to pray about this some more, I know.  So I will pray!