Angry!

Today I feel very angry!  My kids are behaving like street urchins and fools and the volume of their voices in general would make a nun want to swear like a sailor and the news I have received over and over again today has just been bad!  An old family friend is loosing his life after a massive heart attach this week...he is being sent home today to live with hospice...and has days maybe a week to live.  A pastor loosely related to our church has another failed adoption.  This makes three and a failed adoption is like a failed pregnancy...it's like being pregnant and going all the way to term and have a still born child...I grief for this family....this loss is strong felt though our college community and I don't know it will effect them.  Not to mention how it will effect this couple who so desperately want a baby...I pray they get some answers and some peace...they grief they must be feeling right now must be unbearable.   Whatever brought them to adoption was not an easy thing either....I am sure this has not been an easy battle for them...my thoughts and prayers go out to them...my heart just hurts and is breaking for them.  Lastly I have a very close family member who I cannot name that is facing cancer...this AWFUL~UGLY~NASTY illness has taken so much from me...I can't even speak the work with out almost being will.  I don't know what to do.  I don't know how to tell my kids...I am just barely able to wrap my mind around it myself....I am desperate with anger and rage at the thought of loosing this person.   This is not suppose to happen again!  This is not suppose to happen in my life again!!!  Not in this lifetime!  I have lost two people I loved so very much.  I don't know how this disease can be so vile and be so wicked and so quiet that no one hears it coming...it sneaks in and it rips families apart and leaves lives in shambles and children without mothers.  So I rage quietly my kids don't hear a sound...I tell them to behave and I set them in time out for misbehaving and discipline as calmly as I can,  but inside I rage!~   


thank God for my Blog so I can get out this pain...and not leave all of it inside...I spill some of the rage...some of the hate...some of the nastiness.    but at least it's not inside of me anymore...I feel lighter already....a few deep breaths and I will let go and this will have to be put to bed and out of my mind for a while because collectively...there is nothing I can to about all of this ugliness tonight.