living in a vacuum with the kids at school.

Now that both of my kids have gone off to school I have this void in my life....I always assumed I would go and get a job.  As I sit here today I am stuck in this weird vacuum though.   Between not having the option of going to get a full time job and really wanting to do something.  The kids are gone and there isn't a whole lot for me to do a round the house...yes I could make it a little cleaner...but some people in my life already think I am anal about how clean I keep my house.   The kids really aren't aloud to keep their rooms as messy as they would like and the living room never looks very lived in.  The only room that ever looks used is the kitchen...because we really use the kitchen.   The laundry is in constant motion...that really never stops...that would get harder if I had a j
job.

The truth is if I get a job and we get our license and then we get a child (we want all of those things)  I'm going to have to quit my job.   I don't want to work and have a child at home!   My job is being a mother.  When all my children are in school then I can entertain the idea of having a job outside of the home...but right now...my job is mom...and right now...I just feel lazy for not doing a job.

This is really killing me.   I walk around the house looking for the kids and looking for stuff to do.  Thank goodness I still have Miles a couples days a week or I would go crazy cats all together!  

Figuring out these allergies

So Catie's allergies have been my daily challenge...and I have been making a big stink about it!   Yes I know I gripe too much!  It's what I do!!!   I don't know what else to do...she is frustrated because all these foods she could have previously she can no longer have.   She is now allergic to them...it's like I have taken half of her childhood away.   If she had never tasted them I think it would be different for her, but she knows what she is missing.   The upside to all this is...we are all eating a much healthier diet because of this allergy.

I have been reading every label.  Most processed foods have dye in them...so I am having to make so many things from scratch.   The food tastes so much better the kids eat better.  Alex is making a fuss because it doesn't look the same but it sure does taste better...as soon as I get him to take a bite he usually loves  what I have made,  it's getting him to take a bite that is usually the hard part. 

Catie is missing the junk food...the Doritos, Twizzlers and M&M's of it all.  We have had to look very hard to find the fruit snacks that are 100% juice not dyed so she can have fruit snacks like other kids too.    It's hard work being a mom sometimes but I'm willing to do it for my little girl.

Today is the last day before school

8/19/2012
School starts tomorrow
I am just a touch excited!   And a little bit misty at the thought of my little guy going to school tomorrow!  It's his first day of kindergarten!  I will be at home all alone three days a week!   I will have such a clean house!  I won't know what to do with myself....wait...maybe I will.  I will have time to read and crochet and draw and write to my family and blog and clean my house and visit friends and dust the cobwebs out of the corners and so many other things that I have been missing over the years.
Not to mention...maybe this is the reason God has been putting the foster care license on hold for so long is just waiting for the kids to get back into school so I have time to dedicate to another child.
I will also miss my Catie too...although we have not gotten along quite as well as I would like this summer...it seems to be a growing split between us.    I hope we can work this out and it's short term and not a growing problem.   We seem to be growing further apart as she gets older rather than closer together.
I love them both so much and I want to make sure that I keep trying to connect with them on different levels as a parent...and not try and become a friend.   It is so hard to be the mom.