When is this going to go away!!!!!
So I sat down to compose an email to an aunt who hasn't responded to my birthday invite yet and a whole bunch of junk came spilling out...luckily I was able to rewind and edit before I sent and keep all the junk to myself....it's not nice to dump my junk on others....so I'm gonna dump it here.
I don't usually make big plans to go back to KC for birthdays or have parties for myself for that matter, but for 20+ years I have been living with the black cloud over me that I wasn't going to make it to this birthday and that women don't live past 34...I know dumb right! Well that's what happens when your momma dies when when your 14 and you start to make rules in your head about life. Life is pretty good right now accept for the darn migraines that are ruling my life. I know that they are a complete manifestation of my anxiety about my birthday. I think I am just ready for everything to just be over and life to move on.
It totally sucks that mom is dead...it sucks that I can't control my feeling and it sucks that I have no control over these headaches.
What I do have control over is my words and I am doing my best to control my words with my family, friends and strangers. I can keep my thoughts on a leash and limit what I say to what need to be said and stop I will be doing good.
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