So Nathan keeps talking to everyone as if things are going as planned...the kids and his parents...it's driving me crazy. I don't know how much longer I can keep up the act. I feel like I am leading the kids on and lying to them. It's breaking my heart and I don't want to break their hearts. Maybe I am being selfish though and maybe I want him to tell the kids so they can be miserable with me.
I am in deep grief and have to keep playing "all right" for their sake.
I am not sure that Nathan truly understands what he has asked me to do. This last week has been pure hell for me and at times I have been wondering when we left the same page.
WE sure aren't on it right now. We need to get back on it...for the sake of our marriage first and foremost and for our family.
Have been working toward some common goals and I feel like we are doing a good job, but all of a sudden the train is off the track and I don't know why.
I still deeply love this man....and think about him many times a day. He isn't just the father of my kids...he is the love of my life. I can't imagine not having him beside me...he is so a part of my life. I love the things that he does for me and to me and with me and around me. I just don't know what this roller coaster we are currently on is going to take us. We need to get this all figured out and soon...before I break...or have a break down.
Hiding it from the kids is really hurting me the most. It feels like we are keeping a horrible secret....I don't want to drop this on them after so many months of having planned and moved things around and readied their little lives only to have everything stay the same, but be horribly be broken.
So much is wrong right now.
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