still on hold and walking on egg shells

We still don't have a license and I don't have a answer from Nathan.   I feel like I am in hell my life is on hold and I am expected to just wait...for everything...for the state...for his answer...I am really tired~
On the flip side my body is finally starting to cooperate and my headaches are getting better....I am at a really high dose of medication though...it makes me not want to eat and I have lost some weight.  I wouldn't mind if I lost some more.
I have been trying very hard to give Nathan as much space as I possible can and not push him in any way...I don't want to pressure him or influence his decision in any way.  
Am I being foolish, am I letting him decide our whole life path?   We decided to have both of the other two kids together...I just don't want to be the one that forces him to regret our decision in a few years....
I also don't want to regret that I didn't get a say in a few years....if we don't end up having another child I am going to feel like my decision was taken away from me?  How are we going to do this?  How do we do this together and apart and with God?
What is missing from this process that Nathan isn't feeling...He said in his heart he feels like he really would love to adopt a baby...REALLY????
A BABY???
Now you want a baby?
aren't we back pedaling a little?
I am so confused and so lost and so don't know what to do any more