Back to School

I can't believe it!  It's back to school day...this day is always my favorite day of the year.  This one is a little bittersweet.   This is the second and last year that Catie and Alex will be in the same school.   They also are going to start riding their bikes to school...that's good for me, because now I can get dressed when I choose...pj's all day if I want.
Alex is a little bit skittish about riding his bike, but he's excited.  We are still working on his ADHD medication...I think we are going to change to a different one.  He's not doing as well as I would like.  I need to put a call into his doctor and see what are options are.  Just increasing the dose hasn't helped.
  Catie wants to be in charge and doesn't want to go to school.  She is still pissed that we moved.  My little plum misses her best friend and wants to go back.  However she was greeted by a friend that is in her girl scout troop.  She seemed to change her tune when her friend came up and gave her a hug.  I keep trying to help her understand that she needs to try and get along with the others...try and make friends.  She is such a sweet girl when people get to know her.   I love her so much.
Rusty has has never been this excited about the kids going back to school...but today he was rolling on the ground and jumping up and down...he even growled a few times for me to pick him up...he's one happy doggie!  He needed a break from the kids...they have been very busy picking on him this summer.  

Allergy testing...

So we had it done...Catie had a full series of skin tests yesterday.   It was so hard to sit and watch them apply the first tests...she was very brave and stayed very still.  No squirming or yelping...I know she was ready to run away.   She is so awesome!
We have waited to long for this to happen(her last allergist told us that this was a waste of time) that when some of the tests came back inconclusive we needed to have more testing done....Catie was not very happy and really pissed when the second round walked in and they were not like the first series...these were needles and they the allergen had to be injected under the skin just like a TB test. I had to stand and hold her hands this time around...she squeezed my hands so hard to keep still...it was all I could do to stand there and watch.   Those all came back positive...I think one or two did not react but most were really gross and puffy.  By this time she was really itchy and getting pretty grumpy...we are and hour and a quarter in to the visit.  The doctor has made a second appearance and it's not good...he thinks that with the food reactions and the environmental reactions that more tests are necessary.  Of course Catie did not hear this...all she heard was that she was allergic to salmon...the one food that she loves so much...she is broken hearted.

The nurse arrives with a fresh round of needles...Catie is balling like a big baby girl.  I hold her hands and wait for this to be done...less than 15 this time...she was really ready to go.  The last thing the doctor said on his way out was that he was recommending regular injection therapy.
It didn't take long for my brilliant daughter to figure out what that meant.
As these results come in just as bad as the second set...it becomes clear that we have reached an impasse...we are going to have to figure out allergy injection therapy and she is having none of it.  We talk back and forth about what she can do to not think about how it might hurt, she's not buying any of it and wants to not talk about it at all.   The doctor comes back in and we talk about the options...she can have the shots and improve her over all well being.   She will not have all of the symptoms she has had all these years...at least from the environmental allergens.  The food allergies...she just has to avoid the food that make her feel sick...wait you say...avoid the one that make her feel sick.  Yep!  He said she can try each food allergy and see which ones make her feel bad.  
She wants to start with salmon and we will work our way through the list.   There are a few she can not try because her reaction was so severe~ Clams apparently are very bad for her.
Lobster we already knew and crab...the big surprise as I said was the fish...Tuna...really bad and salmon a little less bad.  The cod fish even  reacted.  She also reacted to Strawberries...whoa!  Are you kidding me?  I have been allergic to strawberries since I was about 5 no big surprise there but that with cantaloupe( also one of my allergies) was the thing that prompted the doctor to recommend the allergy shots.   Apparently they are most closely related to ragweed than any other fruit or vegetable.  There was a huge plus in that she isn't allergic to any vegetables, grains, proteins other than fish, or dairy.  She's still lactose intolerant but not allergic.  The last big surprise was the pecans...a tree nut...only one...weird.

The last thing we needed to do was make sure she didn't finish the day on a poor note...ice cream                                        

My son has ADHA...doh...I mean ADHD

I haven't talked about this yet because it's a new diagnosis and one I am not super familiar with...but let me just say I am in my own personal hell!   My son is the light of my life and makes my world go round...but he is never calm.   We can't make one trip in the car without a timeout.   We have tears nearly everyday...mine, his, or his sister's.   I plan my day around when his medication will wear off...if it ever begins working.   I have tried things to wear him out...we have had him in soccer, he was in timeout a lot.  I have tried swimming lessons...I think he can splash really well...but swim...not so much.   I have tried gymnastics...if I had him in it seven days a week it might help.   He just isn't still...ever!
This summer I am having him work through the workbook pages the teacher sent home...it's a contest of wills...can I keep him after the page long enough to get the work done or is it a complete waste of my time and he sits at the table for hours on end...making noise, looking out the window, talking to the dog, making faces, just being loud and not sitting down.  My patience is surly being tested and I pray I can hold on till the next break or bedtime.
It pains me to see my child struggling like this...he is constantly working to pay attention...but quickly looses the battle.  I need to find some form of training to help teach him how to be in control of his self.  The poor child is loosing this battle and I need to find a way to help him...he's only six and this is all so hard for him to understand.  He thinks I'm mad at him all the time...I'm not mad...I'm hurt and frustrated and need some way to help him.   I didn't want to medicate him...that was going to be my last solution...but I am working with the doctor to get his medication right because that is what she says is best for him....I pray that I am doing the right thing.  I will never really know because we have made a decision and we need to move forward.

I am looking into changing his diet to dye free...not just no red dye.   No dye period....I know this is a radical idea...but so many studies are showing that dyes that are in our foods are so not good for us.   My girl has a red dye allergy it makes her terribly ill but it doesn't change her behavior.

 This medication just zonks him during the day but awake all night...he's so wiped out that he takes a nap every time it get quiet for a minute so we switch to another one...that worked just fine two weeks ago...not anymore.   He's wound for sound all day now...do I call the doctor back again...the third time in two weeks or do I ride out the samples and hope it gets better.  I'm tired and I feel like an awful mom...

Summertime!

Here it is summertime and I am so excited to spend some time with my kids!   LOL!  That cracks me up...how about you!   I love my kids dearly and miss them when they are at school all day, but having them home all day is too much!  
We spend tons of time together and get a lot accomplished but we also get on each other's nerves all day.  I wish there was some happy medium.  I over heard some moms at the Y talking about all the camps she has signed her child up to attend this year.  I wondered if she was loaded first of all...since she clearly had lots of money for all these camps...and second of all she isn't spending anytime with her child at all.   That seems the opposite of what we have going on.  
We have lots of things going on with the pool and the library program.  We also have art classes and gymnastics planned for several times this summer. The kids also work on worksheets everyday...hopefully the kids don't loose all those skills they just gained this school year. There's always bird watching if we get bored.
 

ovarian cancer part II

It's been almost two weeks since the news came out that Angelina had a double mastectomy after finding she had  the BRAC 1 gene.  I have been thinking about this off and on over the last few weeks and I am angry!   Still!
  It breaks my heart that because she is so wealthy and famous her challenges are news.   Yes she is drawing attention to a problem in America and around the world...but she is also not making it any easier for the rest of us that are left to wonder if we have the gene.
Yes I know I am being petty...but my life is as important as hers. To my husband, to my kids, to my family and friend I am important!  It doesn't matter how much money you have or you know when you are sick or dying...but those things get the coverage in reality...so the rest of us sit and wait for the cost of genetic testing to come down.
grrrrr....I feel just as angry writing this as I do thinking it...it makes me feel sad that I feel this way...but I do.  

Ovarian Cancer...still chasing me

Why is that every time I start to feel comfortable with my decision not to spend $3400.00 on genetic testing something comes along and makes me reconsider?   All over the news is the headlines that Angelina Jolie had a double mastectomy after finding that she was a gene carrier for BRAC1.   She also plans to have her ovaries removed.   I applaud her decision...she is bringing attention that really needs attention.   Far too many women die of ovarian cancer because it is so silent in it's approach...you have to be very advanced in the disease before most symptoms are present or felt.   I am distressed that so many women like myself know we are at risk and can't afford to do anything about it.   Ms Jolie has the money for genetic testing and then the "elective surgeries."
I know as the daughter of a deceased mother who lost her battle to ovarian cancer that I walk a fine line everyday in knowing what my risks are.   I am not as informed about my body as I would like to be...but I am way more informed that most...I have blood tests done every year that determine if I have developed any cysts or growths in my female organs.   I also have a pelvic ultrasound annually to determine if I have anything that the test didn't see.  Then I get to wait for another year to pass before I do it again.  Sometimes I pay for these tests out of pocket...because insurance doesn't see them as necessary.     I do however, for piece of mind and as Ms. Jolie put it...For my Family.
I don't want to be unprepared.  This disease may never get it's clutches on me...but not knowing if I have this horrible gene mutation isn't just about me...it's about my families chances.   My children are as likely to develop this mutation as I am...they not only lost a grandmother long before they were born they lost an Aunt to breast cancer just days after my son was born.   Putting them at a much higher risk of developing this disease.  Also at risk are my cousins...both male and female...because you don't have to have ovaries to develop breast cancer...just breasts.   My brother is at risk as well as his child.   It leaves much to chance by not having the genetic test.
My last insurance company informed me that I would have to be diagnosed with some form of cancer before it would pay for my genetic testing...doesn't that seem a little strange.  I have to get cancer before they will allow me to find out if I am at risk of developing cancer.
For me this isn't just about what I can't have...it's about what risks I am taking and I know that the insurance company won't turn a profit if they give into everyone's demands but I don't believe that insurance companies should be for profit.  It's about doing the right thing...and in this case I feel like they are definitely not doing the right thing.
I know I sound like I am just ranting...but this just doesn't make sense to me...

In case you haven't read about Angelina's story here is a link http://www.nydailynews.com/entertainment/gossip/pitt-jolie-absolutely-heroic-article-1.1343623

Giftedness?

       So I got a phone call from the school today...Catie has been accepted to the gifted program.  I never doubted for a moment that she would get in...but now I am concerned that the program isn't going to be strong enough for her.   She tested very high on the exams and they are skipping over some of the steps to admit her.  She needs something to keep her busy and distract her from the boredom at school.
       I have been doing some research into what's going to happen...she is going to have an IEP.  In Kansas she is considered a special needs child...I could have told them that.   She totally has special needs...but to be labeled special needs is kind of different.  I hope that Nathan and I do the best by her.   She is very special to us...and she is smart enough to know that some of the things she's learning in school are below where she is...she compares the school to preschool at least once a week.
       I try to explain to her that she isn't the only child in the class and the teacher has to teach at the level of all of the students...not each individual student.  The teacher can't be expected to write a lesson plan up for her...all by herself, or maybe she can?  I do hope that Catie will be patient though this process.
If all else fails she can be a home schooled child...I don't know how much I want to be involved in this...she and I bump heads pretty hard sometimes.  There are some online services here in Kansas that will take care of some of this, but she still will be at home all day with me.   Socially she is also very far behind the other kids in the class she is in...she started school a year early putting her on the young end of the class and making it hard for her to introduce herself...she is also somewhat socially inept.  She tries, but doesn't know how to approach other people her age...she can relate to people much older or younger...just not her age.
        So here we be with lots to think about.   She is so freaking smart it scares me...but I know she will be fine.  I have tons of faith in her.  We just have to stick together.   I also want to help her understand that it's not her job to teach everyone.   The kids think she is a know it all and stuck up.  Another block for her socially...she's going to be ok though.
One thing I read recently was that giftedness is not a good thing, a nice thing or related to how well your child is doing.  Giftedness is not any "thing" in particular.  The term identifies a need.   The term applies to a child that learns differently enough from the other students in the class to require measures and methods beyond those used in the "normal" grade level taken in the classroom.


It's so important for me to remember this...she is special, but not in that she is any better, just different.

Day 4

I am four days into not being on the Topamax.  I stopped taking with my doctor's help...I want try a more Eastern approach to my migraines.  I have added to my vitamin regiment B2, Magnesium, and Co-Q10.  I have had two migraines since I started decreasing the medication...I expected that.  I am also making provisions that should they become less bearable I am going to try and rely on acupuncture.
I am really excited that it hasn't been more.   I am having clearer thoughts and the numbness in my fingers and toes is going away.  I feel like things are moving the right direction.
If there is a chance that I can become less dependent on these medications I will be very excited!  It's been a long time since I didn't have regular migraines.   They improved so much in the last two years I can't hope and pray that I am not making a huge mistake.
I will have to wait and see how this goes...for now I am doing ok.

private?

I will start by stating that several of the following posts were never published when I lived in Bloomington...I was going though something very tough and didn't feel like I could share it with anyone...they are out of order and out of context now.  But I am just publishing everything to get it all out there...just because...it's all over...what's done is done.

Ok so I don't know how many people are reading my blog anymore...I don't care.  It never was about how many people were reading for me.  It was about getting the word out.  I know there are people out there going thought the same shit as me.  So whatever.  If you read great...if not...oh well.  I really write mostly for me and to get the words out of me.  They get stuck sometime in me.  You see I have been all blocked for the last two months no words all the thoughts have slowed to a trickle.  Until today...then I knew I needed to write again...so here I am.  I think the problem has been the medication I was on.
I am changing that.  I have migraines you see...that has been the topic of a lot of my blog posts.   A lot of rants and many cries.   I fought with two different insurance companies now to get the right medication. After much debate I am going off of the daily medication with doctor supervision and using vitamin therapy and if I need to acupuncture and possibly chiropractic care.   I want to use a more holistic  approach to my migraines....I might be crazy but I need a change.  I am finally clear headed today after over a year of having my brain feel like there was a fog in it.
So here I go with my horrible grammar...Ms Peak would be appalled and my spelling stumping even the  spell check...please bear with me and if you don't I don't mind.  It's just the simple ramblings of my simple mind.
Know this I love my husband, I love children and I love my God and all those things will be deeply laced in my writing.

Grandma Rae passed away

This is really out of order...I never published it...because I was mad at myself for writing it...not I am publishing all of my writing...and not going back.
Last Friday I found out that Grandma Rae passed away.  She had been ill it seemed my whole life...I don't know anytime that she wasn't sick from something.   She has always been in and out of the hospital and was on disability since I was in grade school.  When mom got sick grandma was right there by her side.   Ready to take care of her...my mom was always loyal to her and she never asked for a thing.  When my mom was sick my grandmother was very not nice to my dad.   She was ok to my mom but she was really awful to my dad after my mom died and it made it really hard for me to forgiver her.  All these years later I am sad that I did have the ability to look past her  pain and be nice and go see her in her last few years even though I knew it was getting close.   I was still so mad.   I was still so heart broken over the way she treated my dad all those years ago.  My dad loved her and my mom's whole family so much and it felt like he was betrayed.   All those years wasted!   All that time and and energy wasted...so sad...so many memories we are never going to get back....

weird and making me mad...

So Nathan keeps talking to everyone as if things are going as planned...the kids and his parents...it's driving me crazy.  I don't know how much longer I can keep up the act.  I feel like I am leading the kids on and lying to them.  It's breaking my heart and I don't want to break their hearts.   Maybe I am being selfish though and maybe I want him to tell the kids so they can be miserable with me.
I am in deep grief and have to keep playing "all right" for their sake.
I am not sure that Nathan truly understands what he has asked me to do.   This last week has been pure hell for me and at times I have been wondering when we left the same page. 
WE sure aren't on it right now.   We need to get back on it...for the sake of our marriage first and foremost and for our family. 
Have been working toward some common goals and I feel like we are doing a good job, but all of a sudden the train is off the track and I don't know why. 
I still deeply love this man....and think about him many times a day.   He isn't just the father of my kids...he is the love of my life.   I can't imagine not having him beside me...he is so a part of my life.   I love the things that he does for me and to me and with me and around me.   I just don't know what this roller coaster we are currently on is going to take us.   We need to get this all figured out and soon...before I break...or have a break down.
Hiding it from the kids is really hurting me the most.   It feels like we are keeping a horrible secret....I don't want to drop this on them after so many months of having planned and moved things around and readied their little lives only to have everything stay the same, but be horribly  be broken.
So much is wrong right now.

never going to have another child

As my husband sits beside me on the couch I am coming to the realization that I probably will not have another child.  I think that even if Nathan decides to go ahead and have another child he will forever look back on this moment and wonder.  I also think that he is going to look back at this moment if something happens and blame me.   It will all be my fault.  Our life is never going to be the same.  I am never going to have another child because he has introduced this doubt into our marriage.   I can never look back at this point in our marriage and be happy again.   I am not sure how I am going to be happy in our marriage again...because he set me up to fail here....I don't know what to do....
I feel like I am in the bottom of pit and I am so deep in the pit that I can't even see the top.


Nathan and need to work this out or our marriage is in serious trouble...I am afraid.   I am very afraid!

We are still talking and working

It's hard work being married...at one point in my marriage I made the mistake of assuming it was easy and letting this relationship coast...it cost our relationship very valuable trust.   I learned that lesson and now we work very hard on our marriage.
Right now we are in crisis control...we know that there has been a breech and both of us have to manage it to get the damage under control in order to get the pieces of our lives back in places.  My husband is way better at this than I am.  He knows to pull me close.  I am pull away and handle the situation from afar while we really need to be in close proximity to each other and remember that   we love each other very much!
We made some great strides last night I think it gave us some breathing room and we will be able to relax a little.  I defiantly don't feel like my house of cards is falling down around me today so much as I have the last few days. 
Nathan I think figured out where the source of his anxiety has come from and is pretty sure that the extend wait was just to much for him.  (so strange  he is always so patient)  It's been ten weeks today since we finished our homestudy.   We were told it would take three to four weeks for the state to get us licensed and we are still waiting.
The only thing I can think is that moms have to be so patient that we just keep on waiting and waiting...with no regard to time and this might have just been too much for him....so he felt like he needed to back out.   Only that was too much for me...that was almost the straw that broke me!
I try and carry all of the family issues with all of Catie's allergies and his medical problems and my own and now he takes away the one thing the whole family is looking forward too...it was almost too much.
I almost had a nervous breakdown.    I am surprised that I didn't have a few anxiety attacks just for the hell of it.   This has been the worst ten days I have had in the last four years.
Today feels so much better...I really feel like I need to get out of the house and get some air...it feels like I have been breathing the same uncomfortable air for too many days in a row...I may go for a long walk to clear my head today, or a bike ride.
 

still out there and waiting

Follow up to the earlier blog post...I posted earlier that we are going to get though this...and I truly believe that.  I also feel in my soul that I have another child out there somewhere waiting for me and that child need me...just like the ones I already have in my care...don't worry baby mommy hasn't forgotten.  I don't think Dad has either...he just blinked.  Life will go on at some point and this will all be over.   Child or no child there is a passion in me to help those in need and I will fill it.

Why?

Last Friday I had a meeting with my agent from the agency...it was direct and to the point. One of my references sent in a copy of one of my blog posts that I wrote that basically made me look like a neglectful parent.   While I admit the period while I was having sever migraines I had a few that were bad enough I was concerned that I bordering on neglect.  I never felt like my kids were suffering...I was suffering...but they were not.  If there was ever a time that I felt I was unable to care for the children I did not hesitate to call Nathan and have him come home from work.  WE now have to have a plan in place for my migraines...I have to have it on paper...what I will do in the even I develop a sever migraine.
I also had to call my doctor and get a letter from him telling the state that I am fit to have my children and that I will be fit to have someone else's child...that was one of the weirdest phone calls I have had to make in a while.  I made it though...I feel like I am trying to swim up stream though...is this all for nothing....
Nathan doesn't know if he really wants another child and State keep going forward and then backward...I am unsure as to what to do...
I am even starting to question if this is even worth all the fight I am having to do...surly God has a reason for all these hold ups.   Does it maybe mean that we aren't suppose to be going down this road...or am I just hearing the devil's word and giving in to easy road because I don't want discord in my household?   I am so lost  and I need help and God is so silent right now...I need his help and guidance and I am just not getting it....

staring contest...

I feel like Nathan and I have entered into this long drawn out staring contest and everyone was excited to watch for a few minutes and really pulling for one side or the other for a while.   Now they are all just a little bored...are we too? Did he blink?  Is that where the uncertainty is coming from?   We have gone over the same conversation a hundred times...a hundred ways...we are questioning everything...ourselves...the system...the people we feel supporting us.   All of these things seem so strange because just a few months ago everything seemed so right...the waiting is so hard.
Patience!
God is teaching us one of the hardest lessons of our lives and we have to wait though it...there is nothing we can do but go though...there is no over or around...just though. We are learning a lot about ourselves and each other...though it all we are standing strong...
I am proud of us...I have been really worried at points that we could not make it though this...but I think that this is not a hurdle that we won't have any trouble clearing...
"God is just learning us a lesson"
Really there was only one day that I didn't want to get our of bed and deal with the world...Nathan is darn lucky his parents were in town that day and I knew that I didn't want to reveal this to them or this might have spiraled into something really bad...I got out of bed and put on a happy face and dealt with the day.   It was a really hard day...it was a shitty day in fact.   After that day I knew that I was going to live and we were going to work this out because we have survived worse and made it though to the other side.
We still don't have all the answers...I made a call to our pride trainer after talking to a wonderful friend who has been though the foster care process a few times.  She recommended being more proactive and calling our trainer and seeing where everyone else in the class was...see if everyone else had their license.  So I called her...she said to give our agent a call more often...not be so patient...the agency is under budget and under staffed and likely she isn't calling because we are low priority.   We need to reminder that we really want this...and find out why we haven't gotten our license yet.    So Nathan called...no answer...I called...no answer...I will try again...
I will get an answer....maybe I should let Nathan try...he remembers things better than I do and he will have a better change of making sense of the conversation that I will.
I hate waiting!!!!

still on hold and walking on egg shells

We still don't have a license and I don't have a answer from Nathan.   I feel like I am in hell my life is on hold and I am expected to just wait...for everything...for the state...for his answer...I am really tired~
On the flip side my body is finally starting to cooperate and my headaches are getting better....I am at a really high dose of medication though...it makes me not want to eat and I have lost some weight.  I wouldn't mind if I lost some more.
I have been trying very hard to give Nathan as much space as I possible can and not push him in any way...I don't want to pressure him or influence his decision in any way.  
Am I being foolish, am I letting him decide our whole life path?   We decided to have both of the other two kids together...I just don't want to be the one that forces him to regret our decision in a few years....
I also don't want to regret that I didn't get a say in a few years....if we don't end up having another child I am going to feel like my decision was taken away from me?  How are we going to do this?  How do we do this together and apart and with God?
What is missing from this process that Nathan isn't feeling...He said in his heart he feels like he really would love to adopt a baby...REALLY????
A BABY???
Now you want a baby?
aren't we back pedaling a little?
I am so confused and so lost and so don't know what to do any more

I need answers...I have questions???

What's in these egg?

Red dye? It's driving me crazy right now...my daughter has this known allergy.   She becomes very ill when she consumes red dye.   I have lots of questions about how come more information isn't out there.  I know there is a lot more information out there...  It's all kind of conflicting.
I continue to monitor Catie's intake and keep a close watch on her.  Every once and a while we slip up.   I really look at labels as often as I can to make I can keep her safe.  I also try and limit the amount of red that I let Alex have...I do let him have a few things.  Alex doesn't seem to have any sensitivities to red dye in the allergic sense.  He seems to have these hyperactivity issues these days.     I am taking a long hard look at these dyes and seeing what is causing the over activity in him.  
These dyes have been outlawed in Europe...so maybe we need to take a long hard look at why we need them so bad here...

I'm trying to cook a lot more at home a lot more scratch...it sure does taste better.  I have to say though...The boxed foods that are convenient  are addictive.  We picked up some frozen pot pies and they are bad for you(360 Calories in a small one)...I just wanted quick and easy...but the kids loved them...too bad they don't love my pot pie.  My pot pie just doesn't have all the sugar, fat and salt in it.   

We made it...

From the start I knew this day was going to be hard...this is these are some of the pictures from our journey...starting with our last day at Normal First United Methodist. Both of the kids preformed that day.  Catie played chimes...and Alex sang.   We went to both services and visited with as many people as we could before we had to go.  We went to close up the house...and off we went on our adventure.

We stopped to take a picture of the sunset in middle of Missouri during a wind storm at Alex's request.   

We had dinner at Hannibal Mo 

We stopped in Kansas City and were tourist for a day...we went to see Grand St Cafe.
Where Nathan's career started all those years ago.

Oh no the Badminton game wins again!!!!

Oh it looks like a hippo...no a elephant...no a water buffalo!
Nope it's a Henry Moore sculpture 

Catie and Alex in the Hallmart visitor center.

Waiting in line for Kaleidoscope 

All played out...and ready for dinner.

Just pretending...

So sleepy

Organic factory and gift shop...on the way to our new home...not a cheap stop...but yummy!

The cars were clean until we were until we pulled off on this dirt and gravel road to try the organic store.

Our first visit to the park.

Alex's first day to school...he sure was ready

Catie was ready to start school too...

My small group gave me a send off party on Friday that was so thoughtful and heartfelt it nearly killed me.   It was one of the hardest days of my life.  These are some of the most powerful women I know.  I love and respect these women beyond words.  When I need advice these are the women I go to...for anything...from parenting to spiritual advice.   These women have helped me though everything since we moved here.  They have been my family away from Kansas City.   My mentors, role models, partners in crime from time to time, confidantes, co-leader, mission examples, lunch dates, play dates for the kids, and I have even traveled with a few.   I can say that there isn't one that I don't love and I wouldn't give my life for.   I have enjoyed working hard for this group...it has been so rewarding.   I am going to miss the fun times and the great adventures we have had.  They gave me a necklace that says Blessed....yes I am because I met all of you.   Life would have been so different had we joined a different church and started somewhere else....but I know God had a plan and I was where I needed to be.  

They saw me though a growing time of my life and I am so grateful...I pray the are open to new women as they were to me...it was such a Blessing to my life and helped me so much when I was so searching.   

Thank you ladies.  I will miss you...