Thursday, October 18, 2012

Feeling pretty good~

I went into the closet this morning and grabbed a pair of jeans and a shirt and put them on and they fit...no jumping... no squeezing...no deep breathing...they just fit
In fact the shirt is a little big.  I never have had the shirt be a little big... this shirt has always been too small.   I am liking the new me...I want to keep up the new me.  I like seeing the new changes.   It feels so good to see actual results and not feel like the weight is coming off and I am the only one that knows...it is visible now.   Everyone can see now.  Of course to someone that has never met me before I am still horrible overweight and have miles to go...but I have come very far.   At least for me...
I know some of you are thinking thirty-one pounds doesn't seem like much...but to put this into perspective, I have a biological disorder called  Polycystic ovary syndrome. --(when I was diagnosis in 2001 the insurance companies didn't even know how to classify this...they tried to put it under cystic fibrosis, completely different)--    I have battle my weight since puberty and had not much luck at it.   This same disorder has taken my ability to have children and causes me to grow hair on my chin...not very attractive in either case.  It really makes me feel like less of a woman in most cases...
My husband does a great job of overlooking the hair...every once in awhile he will say something...but he is very polite...ish.   The ability to have children there is nothing I can do about it...the weight gain...is probably the biggest problem...most women who are unable to get pregnant with PCOS it's because they are too heavy.   In order to have both Catie and Alex I had to loose large sums of weight...since I was younger the weight came off easily and it was no trouble for me to loose 45-50 pounds in 4-5 months...this time...I am older and my body just wouldn't co-operate.   When the doctor recommended we see a specialist Nathan and I decided we were not going to go that route this time...we had already did that with both of our other two...and have two beautiful children and thought that maybe God was giving us a sign that this time we were suppose to do something different.
Things get very different the summer I started having migraines...I don't know what happened...I don't know if my weight it a level that my body couldn't hold...or if it was stress.   All of the sudden I was having migraines that were life altering...and I didn't know what to do.  We worked with our family doctor to correct the problem.  That didn't help.  I prayed for relief.   That didn't seem to help either.   I started to believe that my life was going to be forever changed by this headaches.   Then I was sent to a doctor that actually helped me.  
He put me on some medications that changed my life...one has actually helped with my weight loss...it decreases my appetite and also decreases the  intensity of my headaches and frequency.   This made my life so much easier to live...I still had break though headaches...but now they were getting under control and I was starting slowly to loss some weight.   This didn't happen fast....it was over a long period of time over maybe 9 months...and the whole time this is going on I was battling the insurance company to get 2 medications that the doctor prescribed for those break though headaches...one was easily fixed.
I called one day when I was in a particularly good mood and was very nice and pushed though till I got a nurse in the pharmacy department that actually suffered from migraines herself...she was very helpful and got one of the prescription pushed though right then.    The other one took lots of negotiation and pushing and calling and more calling and more calling...the moral is never quit calling...if you really need something!~   It took 9 Months.
Today I am doing much better I go month to month and wonder why the insurance company fought so hard against the doctors orders...I feel so much better today then I did 4 months ago...I feel life a different person then I was 6 months ago....and I was a shell of a person a year ago...I don't know how I was existing...life was hell some days...and my family was paying the price for it.   It's so much better now.  I have the doctors to thank for that they have been wonderful and PATIENT...they put up with my insurance company and me.
So I am looking for a workout buddy,  someone who can go to the gym with me a couple times a week...when Nathan can't...his schedule is so wonky and the kids keep us so busy that there is just no way we will be able to workout together...any takers???

Friday, October 12, 2012

First Boy/Girl party

  So Catie got this invite in the mail two days ago addressed to her...clearly written by a boy.  I though  "oh cool one of the boys sent her an invitation to the party that we are already planning on attending"...nope I"m wrong as usual.  I did not open it...because it was not my mail, but it was tempting.
  Catie burst in after school asking " is it here yet? is it here yet?"   She had already been informed of it's impending arrival.   She also was notified she was the only girl invited by the boy in her class.   He is a set of Triplets and his dad told them they could each invite three guests.  The Boy in Catie's class invited two boys and Catie.  The Girl invited three girls and the other Boy invited three boys...so Catie is the exception to the rule.
  Catie has been telling me for weeks she has a crush on this boy and he has a crush on her too...
They ride the same bus and have know each other for several years and love to play basketball together.  Catie's favorite sport.   So there was so real surprise that he invited her to his party...I am sure it's all very puppy dog and lady bug.  It so cute really.
   As the matter of fact when I was her age I was never invited to these kind of things...I was never the popular kid...so I am fearful if I don't let her go I will be sending the wrong message to her friends that we are overprotective...
Catie is a good kid and I know we can trust her,I just don't know the other parents so well.   I have only briefly met them and will have to talk to them before I am ok with this.   This is a big step for my little girl and I want to know she is going to be ok...She is only 9 and is so young.

Thursday, October 11, 2012

a weighty...a waiting subject

feels weird to mention this...but here it goes...my clothes are too big...my under clothes have been too big for a little while, but now my regular clothes are starting to fit to big. ...don't know what to do really...if I buy more clothes and I keep losing weigh which I want to do...I'm going to have all these clothes that don't fit...I'm just going to wait a little while I think...

Wednesday, October 10, 2012

time heals

It's been a few weeks and I have had some time to think and pray.   Nathan and I are working on so many things and moving forward.  It's been a bumpy road as marriage sometimes is...well usually is.  We like most married couples have issues.  We don't hide from them...we work though them and work on them.   It has been interesting to me...the times that we have had the most trouble in our marriage have been the times when we didn't talk.  When we weren't communicating with each other very well.  The best times are times like these when we are in a crisis...yes in a crisis and really communicating.  Really depending on each other...the years after a crisis are often the deepest years for me.  We have grown so much together.   I love my husband deeply and I grow everyday in my marriage and I pray we can continue this trend.