The questions remain the same....who am i and why am i here...
I may never know the answers to my questions...that scares me. Will I go though this whole life unbalanced, unsure and uncertain. I have a future. I am exploring how I get there.
As a mom my goal is pretty simple and straight forward, to make whole happy people form these children God has entrusted me with. I wonder everyday am I doing permanent damage to my children by being the person I am. I am angry a lot and tend to not be nice to my children...especially my little girl. I don't know why I do it. Maybe it's easy because they are little and they are and easy target. I try so hard to protect them from the evils of the world but am I more of a problem for them than the "bad guys" of the world. I want to be the sane mom who is a good role model. I don't want to be their tormentor. I want to gain some peace with my daughter before the teen years take their toll on us. I want more than anything to be the kind of mother my kids want to have friends come home with them and want to stay.
I have so many concerns about how to to this raising kids thing. I know I'm not doing it right. I have a little girl who rages at me sometimes...I have a little boy who knows when he's doing something wrong and still does it anyway.
Then there is my marriage....most days I feel pretty good in my marriage. Then are some days when the doubts creep in...
Am I doing this right, does he really love me, what if he wants a healthier wife(emotionally and physically) What if he falls out of love with me and see who I really am.
that's pretty damaging stuff. I want to trust fully in my marriage. things have happened that make me doubt it sometimes. Doubt both of us. I know that I love my husband...that has never changed. does he love me....yes! I know he love me too, but why?
Why does he love me?
I never will no why...not sure why anyone loves me...
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