Still thinking...

Do you ever feel like you are living out of body?  Most everything seems to be going forward and your life has just paused.   I am waiting for the answers and hoping God will speak to me.  Life is a little tricky like that.   You feel a sense of longing and wonder at the reality that you might not get the answer that you want all the while knowing that you have very little control over what life is going to throw at you.
I know this all so vague...so here it is.  We are in a holding pattern waiting for God to tell us what is going to happen next in the fertility dance.  I get the feeling I have known all along what was meant to happen but at the same time I am so lost.  Over the past week I have cried and yelled and cried some more.  I know so many people that are blessed with lots and lots of children and they love them deeply.  I really do want more children and I know that I would be as in love with those children as I am with my Catie and Alex.   I keep trying to take this out of God's hands and deal with it myself.   Over the last six months we have had five failed rounds of fertility drugs, two failed rounds of inter-uterine insemination and two broken hearts.  We have kept this info away from our kids and families.  Very few people I have confided in have been very supportive.   I have from time to time prayed about all of this...but until last week I had not taken the leap to ask God into this discussion and asked for God's support in all of this.  Last week I said so many prayers and asked God to be with me and take this pain away from me.   The pain is still hear, but it is less...
We still haven't officially told our family or children but I think they know something is up.  I posted a blog last week making it very public and Catie and Alex have have some idea that we have been going through some medical testing and such.

I don't know why I'm sharing this now...we still have lots to think about.

Over the last six months we (Nathan and I) have been working on expanding our family.  It has been the hardest thing I have ever done.   It is just a continuation of six years off and on to have another baby.  I have not accepted the fact that I don't think it's going to happen.  We still are praying something is going to change but it is really feeling like my body has failed me over and over year after year.  I have taken almost a year off my medication for migraines and as usual my body is betraying me.  I am at the mercy of rescue medications. Instead of treating the disorder I am treating the symptoms of the disorder.
As we move forward in the next step...I have decided to take a break from fertility treatments to get some perspective.   My body is maybe not meant to do this again.  I am asking God to join me in this process.  I am not alone...but I have felt so alone in this process.  I have only told two family members that I was in this process and a few close friends.  It has been the longest saddest journey of my life.  I have had Nathan right by my side the whole way but it feels like we have been stressing ourselves for little to no reason.  I should have invited God into this struggle so much sooner.  It might have made journey easier...maybe not, but I wouldn't have been alone so much of the time.  I notice that I have been pushing God away the last few months...it was really painful for me and I am done.
We are praying this month for answers...
As we move forward we will make live altering decisions...to continue with the torture of fertility treatments, to end treatments, to seek adoption, to try the foster care route....so many choices.  It may take more than one month to figure this out.  We will keep God in this equation this time.
Life will go on...but part of me is falling apart so please try not to judge me too harshly.    I am going through a lot please a little grace and you never know the circumstances of someone's trials.   Offer that grace to anyone who looks like they need it...you never know what that may mean to them.
I have two amazing kids and I am very sad that so much of my time had been focused on these fertility treatments.  I feel like I have not been putting my all into my kids and a break will do us all some good.

Did you know??? I didn't...but now that I do I think you should know too.

The morning after pill is know to cause cancer...http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_IARC_Group_1_carcinogens 

I was alarmed by this information...I knew that there was an increased risk but the World Health Organization places this drug in the same class as

• Asbestos
• Benzene
• Cadmium
• Mustard gas

I am also alarmed that this information is left in brochures for people to read in their free time...or not at all...

As someone at risk for developing any type of cancer I think it's important to know these kind of things.  It worries me that children (young ladies) are able to seek this medication without parental  consent.  I have read on other websites that the manufactures are denying these claims.  If you do a google search you will find that you can obtain the morning after pill for as little as 9.99 on ebay and as much as 49.99 on Walmart.  

This is a direct link to Plan B information page and there is no warnings...no information about possible complications for taking the medication...no real need for a lady of any age needing a doctor's consent http://planbonestep.com/?utm_source=google&utm_medium=cpc&utm_term=morning%20after%20pill&utm_campaign=OTC%7CMorning+After+Pill+Info&utm_content=seozI8GlP|dc_pcrid_|29707554555&WT.mc_t=OTC%7CMorning+After+Pill+Info&WT.mc_n=google|morning%20after%20pill&WT.mc_r=365&buf=999&WT.srch=1&gclid=CLXv3b7k2rsCFWJo7AodtxgAgg

Are you as alarmed as I am???

Fat Shaming...are we ruining our little girl's view of herself?

Article that sent me on a quest to get an answer...
http://shine.yahoo.com/healthy-living/special-k-39-39-fat-talk-39-ad-205200658.html
  Have you ever posted a status update that you feel really fat today?  Or your ass is so big?  Or my face is so fat today?  I can say that I have in fact said or posted something to that effect a few times...I can't say how many cause I didn't go back and count...but it's happened.
I was reading the above article on yahoo and wondered...am I sending a bad message to my daughter.   I have heard my mother in law put herself down on more than one occasion.   I have even mentioned to her that I don't want Catie to hear her say things like that.  I want her to feel powerful and not self abusive.  My mother in law had no idea she was even impacting Catie.
 After reading the article I decided to talk to Catie about what I had read...she was confused and had no idea what I was talking about.  Apparently she isn't listening when we are talking...
I asked if she heard those kinds of things at school...she denied hearing these things at school...I have no idea if she is and is not sharing with me or if she just doesn't listen to the other girls conversations.  Catie isn't like other girls...she has little care for what the other girls are doing and tends think they are very childish.
I want to know are other girls hearing those conversation...are they learning to abuse themselves like we do or are they like Catie and ignoring it for the most part.   I wonder if they are learning at young age to behave this way as early as 10 or is it older closer to 15 or 16?

I posted some pictures that I have taken and said or thought the same horrible things about myself.  I am going to practice saying to myself "I am beautiful"  

I hope you will do the same and make sure you are letting your daughters hear you say it.

just one more interesting bit I found on upworthy...

http://www.upworthy.com/its-crazy-how-normal-people-look-underneath-all-that-makeup-they-use-to-look-normal?c=ufb1

Our lives with ADHD

It's been several months since Alex was diagnosed.  Oh how our life has changed.  I would like to begin by saying I have the sweetest most lovable little guy, and he lights up my day!  He tends to be very repetitive and if he gets stuck on something he may well be stuck on it for several hours or days.  He keeps me moving though and never lets me forget how much I am loved.
We have had him on medication since we got the diagnosis in order to help his life be more level.  It's been a rocky go of it...starting on one medication having the insurance turn it down, switching to another only to have the insurance approve the first. (turns out it's still ridiculously

expensive)  We settled on the less expensive form and have had three dose changes.  All of them took time to see if it was going to help and settle into a routine.  We got it nailed down right before school started and what a difference it has made.  He's still happy, playful and a sweet little guy, but he's more in control of himself.  He knows when he's doing something annoying and can curb it a little.  He's made huge leaps forward at school and we will be looking at the gifted program at the end of this year.   Fingers crossed!  He's my loud little guy that won't sit still, but not quite as loud and a little more still.
I love that the medication didn't change his personality, but helped him figure out how to deal with his outbursts.  I sometimes think it has taken little bits away, but it's not noticeable to anyone but Nathan and myself.  He doesn't dance like he use to...everywhere all the time.  He doesn't come up and give uninvited hugs anymore...which for some people this is a relief.  Mostly he's his old self just more controlled.
I don't want to give all the credit to the medication however.   I have been working with him on using his coping skills to get control of a situation and we have cut out the red and yellow dyes in his diet.   We didn't have much of them in there to begin with because of Catie's dye allergy but what was left is all but gone.   We sometimes allow yellow dye if we are out...it doesn't seem to have such a impact on him, but I really do try and limit his intake.  
Turns out all those dyes the FDA has been allowing in foods all these years are causing some significant issues.  Not just for parents of adhd children but true dye allergies are beginning to surface.  It's been a pretty uncommon thing till this point, but Catie is not alone.   The swelling in the face and mouth, cramps, diarrhea and throwing up are true  symptoms of an allergy.  While a red dye sensitivity is accompanied by a stomach ache is becoming more common...it rarely leads to facial swelling or anaphylaxis.
Red and yellow have been studies extensively in europe and guess what...they have found links to adhd and other health problems.  They have been so convinced that their group of food watchdogs have outlawed dyes in food.  Not just red and yellow but all of them.
I want to get back to Alex though...and even though his adhd was a blow to us it has only made us more aware of him and how much we love him!

Be Bold Be Bald...it's that time of year again

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE: 9/23/2013

Contact:

Sally Hawkins, team captain

785-404-2371

Sallyrhawk@yahoo.com  and http://beboldbebald.org/DosPelones

Our team Dos Pelones will go bald to fight cancer on 10/18.

Joining thousands across the country in Be Bold, Be Bald! fundraising event.

[Salina, 9/23/2013]  For many cancer patients, going bald is not a choice.  It is just one of the many challenges they face as they bravely fight the disease.  On October 18, [Dos Pelones] will join thousands of people across the country as they put vanity aside, shave our heads or wear a bald cap to show solidarity with those who bravely fight cancer and raise money to help fight back. 

The event is Be Bold, Be Bald!, a national fundraiser started by Boston advertising agency, Small Army, after losing its co-founder to the disease.  In just 4 years, the event has raised more than $600,000, with 100% of the net proceeds going to cancer charities.

By going about their day as usual - commuting on the bus, meeting with colleagues, stopping in the local coffee shop, or going to class – participants get a small taste of what many cancer patients face.  And, others can sponsor them for their bold move. 

“Our members have each been touch in a very personal way.  The team captain
(Sally) lost her mother, grandmother, grandfather, high school sweetheart and dear friend.  Nathan’s sister lost her fight just 9 days after his son was born…they never got to meet.  Catie lost her grandmother, aunt, and two great grandparents and has a child in her school battling an incurable form of leukemia.  Gage lost his father just last year.  Touches lives and it leaves scars.”

In its fifth year, Be Bold, Be Bald! unites and supports more than 40 cancer charities, from The Jimmy Fund and LIVESTRONG to smaller-scale charities such as Heaps of Hope and No Stomach for Cancer. Participants choose the charity for which they would like to support and grants are made accordingly.  For the event, to-date, due to generous donations and support, each of the participating cancer charities received more than 100% of the funds raised on their behalf. 

[This is the third year for our team and it has grown every year as people hear about us they want to get involved.  Losing your hair is such a small price for a cure.]

Be Bold, Be Bald! is managed by Small Army for a Cause, a 501c3 organization committed to helping raise awareness and funds for medical-related causes.  Small Army for a Cause was founded in 2008 by Boston Advertising Agency, Small Army, in honor of its co-founder, Mike Connell, a 2-time cancer survivor who lost his life to the disease in November 2007.  

9/11/01 We remember!

How much should we dedicate to this event...we don't do more than mention Pearl Harbor maybe it's written about in the paper and like 9/11 it took us into a war.   Sad yes, but probably more appropriate than having our children pour over the tragedy that we all lived.  I remind my daughter that her grandfather was on an airplane that morning and I was terrified.  I remind my son that my grandfather was a fireman in Kansas City and he lost more than a thousand of his brotherhood that morning and my heart was breaking for him and all of their families.  It's my job to make that day more relatable. I remember the week of broadcast from all of the major networks on the event.   I remember all of the Christmas lights that winter were red, white, and blue...it was too much.  I remember walking around in a deep depression off and on for months.  Then there was the unending war...we are still there.     We talk about it and I remind them how important it is to remember.   My children have no real understanding of that day because they were not even born yet...some of these children in high school were preschoolers and won't remember those events unless you as parents remind them.  So take a moment to talk to your children about what this day means to you...they aren't getting much at school.

job hunt?

So my children both are in school full time...now what.  When we lived in Bloomington I was volunteering a lot of my time in various ways...and my life felt very full.   Here I haven't gotten as involved as I was in Illinois.  In some ways that feels like a relief.  I might have been experiencing some burn out in my life there...so much that I have taken a huge step back from taking on any roles here so far.   In a month I plan to start leading a new small group.  That will be rewarding one day a week.   Not much else is going on outside of the house though.   Here at home I am busy keeping things clean and in working order.   I take care of the needs of my family and make sure my husband doesn't want for anything.  
The problem is I feel a constant pressure to be more...do more and that my time isn't being used well because I don't work outside of the home.  I hear things from family and friends that kind of lead me to believe I am not pulling my own weight.   Like my job at home is not valuable because I don't earn an income.   And since my kids are gone all day (6 hours)  I must be doing nothing and need something to do.  I feel heavily judged for my past ten years and my decision to be a stay at home mom.  
So like any good worrier I am putting in job applications to find a part time job so I can pull my weight in our house.   My husband has told me over and over that this is not necessary.  I hear what he's saying and it's just not sinking in...did he say that because that's what I want to hear?  Did he say that and it was almost a challenge to find a job?  What am I doing???   I have no idea if I really want a job or if I am simply looking because it's what I am suppose to do...
I don't even know if I really want a job...

I know that at one time mothers did not work outside of the home...and their lives were full...they kept the house they made sure there was dinner and the house was clean and they lived their part in life.   Some time in the last century it became ok for mom to step outside of the house and have a career as well...now it doesn't even feel like a choice.
I feel like I am expected to get out and pull my weight...the down side to this is huge.

If I step out and I get that part time job to fulfill the image that mom should have a job too...I will be still the person that expected to take time off if my child gets sick and the primary house keeper...that job doesn't change (Nathan works 9 am to 9pm) most days.   So I will have my full time wife and mother job and now a part time job that I have to walk a tightrope with if the children are sick or out of school.   What job is going to be flexible enough that I work only Mon- Fri and have all holidays off and can call in for a week straight when my daughter gets bronchitis or my son has the flu.   And I can only work between 9 am and 3 pm.  
I feel like I am having the worst dream ever....
I am failing at being a mom and a wife and I think it's all my own doing...I don't want to compromise and put my kids in daycare so I can have a full time job.  Nathan already is gone from their lives most of the time...don't they need at least one full time parent?  

When we moved I told Nathan I wouldn't work for the first year at all...so the kids could be settled and I could make sure that the house was running well.   Well here I am 5 months in and since the kids have gone back to school I am feeling this invisible pressure to get a job...what the heck happened to waiting a year...and why do I feel this pressure to fit the ideal image of a mom these days?

When it comes right down to it...there is no right answer...I don't know what I am going to do...and unless someone comes to me with the perfect job that I work a couple days a week though the school year and have holidays off and can take time off for sick children I think it will be best if I wait till my one year is up and I feel more comfortable finding a more permanent maybe even full time job.  

Back to School

I can't believe it!  It's back to school day...this day is always my favorite day of the year.  This one is a little bittersweet.   This is the second and last year that Catie and Alex will be in the same school.   They also are going to start riding their bikes to school...that's good for me, because now I can get dressed when I choose...pj's all day if I want.
Alex is a little bit skittish about riding his bike, but he's excited.  We are still working on his ADHD medication...I think we are going to change to a different one.  He's not doing as well as I would like.  I need to put a call into his doctor and see what are options are.  Just increasing the dose hasn't helped.
  Catie wants to be in charge and doesn't want to go to school.  She is still pissed that we moved.  My little plum misses her best friend and wants to go back.  However she was greeted by a friend that is in her girl scout troop.  She seemed to change her tune when her friend came up and gave her a hug.  I keep trying to help her understand that she needs to try and get along with the others...try and make friends.  She is such a sweet girl when people get to know her.   I love her so much.
Rusty has has never been this excited about the kids going back to school...but today he was rolling on the ground and jumping up and down...he even growled a few times for me to pick him up...he's one happy doggie!  He needed a break from the kids...they have been very busy picking on him this summer.  

Allergy testing...

So we had it done...Catie had a full series of skin tests yesterday.   It was so hard to sit and watch them apply the first tests...she was very brave and stayed very still.  No squirming or yelping...I know she was ready to run away.   She is so awesome!
We have waited to long for this to happen(her last allergist told us that this was a waste of time) that when some of the tests came back inconclusive we needed to have more testing done....Catie was not very happy and really pissed when the second round walked in and they were not like the first series...these were needles and they the allergen had to be injected under the skin just like a TB test. I had to stand and hold her hands this time around...she squeezed my hands so hard to keep still...it was all I could do to stand there and watch.   Those all came back positive...I think one or two did not react but most were really gross and puffy.  By this time she was really itchy and getting pretty grumpy...we are and hour and a quarter in to the visit.  The doctor has made a second appearance and it's not good...he thinks that with the food reactions and the environmental reactions that more tests are necessary.  Of course Catie did not hear this...all she heard was that she was allergic to salmon...the one food that she loves so much...she is broken hearted.

The nurse arrives with a fresh round of needles...Catie is balling like a big baby girl.  I hold her hands and wait for this to be done...less than 15 this time...she was really ready to go.  The last thing the doctor said on his way out was that he was recommending regular injection therapy.
It didn't take long for my brilliant daughter to figure out what that meant.
As these results come in just as bad as the second set...it becomes clear that we have reached an impasse...we are going to have to figure out allergy injection therapy and she is having none of it.  We talk back and forth about what she can do to not think about how it might hurt, she's not buying any of it and wants to not talk about it at all.   The doctor comes back in and we talk about the options...she can have the shots and improve her over all well being.   She will not have all of the symptoms she has had all these years...at least from the environmental allergens.  The food allergies...she just has to avoid the food that make her feel sick...wait you say...avoid the one that make her feel sick.  Yep!  He said she can try each food allergy and see which ones make her feel bad.  
She wants to start with salmon and we will work our way through the list.   There are a few she can not try because her reaction was so severe~ Clams apparently are very bad for her.
Lobster we already knew and crab...the big surprise as I said was the fish...Tuna...really bad and salmon a little less bad.  The cod fish even  reacted.  She also reacted to Strawberries...whoa!  Are you kidding me?  I have been allergic to strawberries since I was about 5 no big surprise there but that with cantaloupe( also one of my allergies) was the thing that prompted the doctor to recommend the allergy shots.   Apparently they are most closely related to ragweed than any other fruit or vegetable.  There was a huge plus in that she isn't allergic to any vegetables, grains, proteins other than fish, or dairy.  She's still lactose intolerant but not allergic.  The last big surprise was the pecans...a tree nut...only one...weird.

The last thing we needed to do was make sure she didn't finish the day on a poor note...ice cream                                        

My son has ADHA...doh...I mean ADHD

I haven't talked about this yet because it's a new diagnosis and one I am not super familiar with...but let me just say I am in my own personal hell!   My son is the light of my life and makes my world go round...but he is never calm.   We can't make one trip in the car without a timeout.   We have tears nearly everyday...mine, his, or his sister's.   I plan my day around when his medication will wear off...if it ever begins working.   I have tried things to wear him out...we have had him in soccer, he was in timeout a lot.  I have tried swimming lessons...I think he can splash really well...but swim...not so much.   I have tried gymnastics...if I had him in it seven days a week it might help.   He just isn't still...ever!
This summer I am having him work through the workbook pages the teacher sent home...it's a contest of wills...can I keep him after the page long enough to get the work done or is it a complete waste of my time and he sits at the table for hours on end...making noise, looking out the window, talking to the dog, making faces, just being loud and not sitting down.  My patience is surly being tested and I pray I can hold on till the next break or bedtime.
It pains me to see my child struggling like this...he is constantly working to pay attention...but quickly looses the battle.  I need to find some form of training to help teach him how to be in control of his self.  The poor child is loosing this battle and I need to find a way to help him...he's only six and this is all so hard for him to understand.  He thinks I'm mad at him all the time...I'm not mad...I'm hurt and frustrated and need some way to help him.   I didn't want to medicate him...that was going to be my last solution...but I am working with the doctor to get his medication right because that is what she says is best for him....I pray that I am doing the right thing.  I will never really know because we have made a decision and we need to move forward.

I am looking into changing his diet to dye free...not just no red dye.   No dye period....I know this is a radical idea...but so many studies are showing that dyes that are in our foods are so not good for us.   My girl has a red dye allergy it makes her terribly ill but it doesn't change her behavior.

 This medication just zonks him during the day but awake all night...he's so wiped out that he takes a nap every time it get quiet for a minute so we switch to another one...that worked just fine two weeks ago...not anymore.   He's wound for sound all day now...do I call the doctor back again...the third time in two weeks or do I ride out the samples and hope it gets better.  I'm tired and I feel like an awful mom...

Summertime!

Here it is summertime and I am so excited to spend some time with my kids!   LOL!  That cracks me up...how about you!   I love my kids dearly and miss them when they are at school all day, but having them home all day is too much!  
We spend tons of time together and get a lot accomplished but we also get on each other's nerves all day.  I wish there was some happy medium.  I over heard some moms at the Y talking about all the camps she has signed her child up to attend this year.  I wondered if she was loaded first of all...since she clearly had lots of money for all these camps...and second of all she isn't spending anytime with her child at all.   That seems the opposite of what we have going on.  
We have lots of things going on with the pool and the library program.  We also have art classes and gymnastics planned for several times this summer. The kids also work on worksheets everyday...hopefully the kids don't loose all those skills they just gained this school year. There's always bird watching if we get bored.
 

ovarian cancer part II

It's been almost two weeks since the news came out that Angelina had a double mastectomy after finding she had  the BRAC 1 gene.  I have been thinking about this off and on over the last few weeks and I am angry!   Still!
  It breaks my heart that because she is so wealthy and famous her challenges are news.   Yes she is drawing attention to a problem in America and around the world...but she is also not making it any easier for the rest of us that are left to wonder if we have the gene.
Yes I know I am being petty...but my life is as important as hers. To my husband, to my kids, to my family and friend I am important!  It doesn't matter how much money you have or you know when you are sick or dying...but those things get the coverage in reality...so the rest of us sit and wait for the cost of genetic testing to come down.
grrrrr....I feel just as angry writing this as I do thinking it...it makes me feel sad that I feel this way...but I do.  

Ovarian Cancer...still chasing me

Why is that every time I start to feel comfortable with my decision not to spend $3400.00 on genetic testing something comes along and makes me reconsider?   All over the news is the headlines that Angelina Jolie had a double mastectomy after finding that she was a gene carrier for BRAC1.   She also plans to have her ovaries removed.   I applaud her decision...she is bringing attention that really needs attention.   Far too many women die of ovarian cancer because it is so silent in it's approach...you have to be very advanced in the disease before most symptoms are present or felt.   I am distressed that so many women like myself know we are at risk and can't afford to do anything about it.   Ms Jolie has the money for genetic testing and then the "elective surgeries."
I know as the daughter of a deceased mother who lost her battle to ovarian cancer that I walk a fine line everyday in knowing what my risks are.   I am not as informed about my body as I would like to be...but I am way more informed that most...I have blood tests done every year that determine if I have developed any cysts or growths in my female organs.   I also have a pelvic ultrasound annually to determine if I have anything that the test didn't see.  Then I get to wait for another year to pass before I do it again.  Sometimes I pay for these tests out of pocket...because insurance doesn't see them as necessary.     I do however, for piece of mind and as Ms. Jolie put it...For my Family.
I don't want to be unprepared.  This disease may never get it's clutches on me...but not knowing if I have this horrible gene mutation isn't just about me...it's about my families chances.   My children are as likely to develop this mutation as I am...they not only lost a grandmother long before they were born they lost an Aunt to breast cancer just days after my son was born.   Putting them at a much higher risk of developing this disease.  Also at risk are my cousins...both male and female...because you don't have to have ovaries to develop breast cancer...just breasts.   My brother is at risk as well as his child.   It leaves much to chance by not having the genetic test.
My last insurance company informed me that I would have to be diagnosed with some form of cancer before it would pay for my genetic testing...doesn't that seem a little strange.  I have to get cancer before they will allow me to find out if I am at risk of developing cancer.
For me this isn't just about what I can't have...it's about what risks I am taking and I know that the insurance company won't turn a profit if they give into everyone's demands but I don't believe that insurance companies should be for profit.  It's about doing the right thing...and in this case I feel like they are definitely not doing the right thing.
I know I sound like I am just ranting...but this just doesn't make sense to me...

In case you haven't read about Angelina's story here is a link http://www.nydailynews.com/entertainment/gossip/pitt-jolie-absolutely-heroic-article-1.1343623

Giftedness?

       So I got a phone call from the school today...Catie has been accepted to the gifted program.  I never doubted for a moment that she would get in...but now I am concerned that the program isn't going to be strong enough for her.   She tested very high on the exams and they are skipping over some of the steps to admit her.  She needs something to keep her busy and distract her from the boredom at school.
       I have been doing some research into what's going to happen...she is going to have an IEP.  In Kansas she is considered a special needs child...I could have told them that.   She totally has special needs...but to be labeled special needs is kind of different.  I hope that Nathan and I do the best by her.   She is very special to us...and she is smart enough to know that some of the things she's learning in school are below where she is...she compares the school to preschool at least once a week.
       I try to explain to her that she isn't the only child in the class and the teacher has to teach at the level of all of the students...not each individual student.  The teacher can't be expected to write a lesson plan up for her...all by herself, or maybe she can?  I do hope that Catie will be patient though this process.
If all else fails she can be a home schooled child...I don't know how much I want to be involved in this...she and I bump heads pretty hard sometimes.  There are some online services here in Kansas that will take care of some of this, but she still will be at home all day with me.   Socially she is also very far behind the other kids in the class she is in...she started school a year early putting her on the young end of the class and making it hard for her to introduce herself...she is also somewhat socially inept.  She tries, but doesn't know how to approach other people her age...she can relate to people much older or younger...just not her age.
        So here we be with lots to think about.   She is so freaking smart it scares me...but I know she will be fine.  I have tons of faith in her.  We just have to stick together.   I also want to help her understand that it's not her job to teach everyone.   The kids think she is a know it all and stuck up.  Another block for her socially...she's going to be ok though.
One thing I read recently was that giftedness is not a good thing, a nice thing or related to how well your child is doing.  Giftedness is not any "thing" in particular.  The term identifies a need.   The term applies to a child that learns differently enough from the other students in the class to require measures and methods beyond those used in the "normal" grade level taken in the classroom.


It's so important for me to remember this...she is special, but not in that she is any better, just different.