I could just scream at my husband, but it wouldn't do any good. I have this internal...not so deep struggle everyday with mortality and he goes and makes statements like "You would be just fine without me" as in if he died. I don't want to hear that it's almost like he's preparing me for something! I worry everyday about how the kids would be if something happen to me...but until now it really has never occurred to me that something could happen to him and it could be me having to deal and the kids having to deal with the loss of a parent...just a different parent. It's a valid concern...sure, just one I didn't consider....I was going to die first....not him. CRAP!!!!
So now I have something new to worry about. Thankfully he has been taking better care of his-self over the last few months. It still concerns me when he chooses to have the extra pancake at breakfast instead of waiting. I don't really have any control over what he does and it drives me crazy...but I'm not his momma and even if I was he never listened to her anyway.
I can pray for him and for peace.
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